I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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