if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
