scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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