Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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