There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
