Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
