Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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