it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
