My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
