is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
