Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
