His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
