my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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