it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
