my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
