9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
