Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize