i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
