As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
is that a dick in a sweater?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
