I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
