I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
