your parents love me but you hate me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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