Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it hurts more in the daytime
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
