I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
