I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
