I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
