he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
