Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
