p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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