He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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