Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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