Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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