my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
