She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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