Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
