Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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