dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
