trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize