look no pants
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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