I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
