Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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