6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
