I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
