I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
