About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
