Please, let me fuck your mom
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
