My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
