Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
