??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
