margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
