I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize