i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
