Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
