I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
