Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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