bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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