so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
