I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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