turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
