life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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