my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
