Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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