so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
