I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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