I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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