Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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