Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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