we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
