The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
