i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
