and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
