you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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