I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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