the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
