R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
