I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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