it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its not stalking. its research.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
