I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's blow job season.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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