you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
