i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
