you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
