normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
