i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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