yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
