she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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