I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can I color on your dick again?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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