you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
